The Water Incident

Ok...how many of you are fortuitous enough to work at a place where they provide bottled water to the slaves? Now don't get me wrong...I don't view this as a right or anything. My boss is under no obligation to provide my co-workers and I with liquid refreshment. I view this as a nice gesture on his part and it partly makes up for the fact that he vastly underpays me, but that's a different issue isn't it. Anyways...to the matter at hand.

We get bottled water from Costco. We keep it in the kitchen and sometimes it even makes it from the cardboard container to the fridge to keep it cool (There is a whole separate blog on the office fridge). So from time to time we run out of bottled water. Ever since the hurricanes acouple years ago, I always keep a few bottles in my office cabinet just in case during these times of need I get thirsty. We run out of water sometimes fairly quickly thanks to individuals like the plant lady that feels the inherent need to take 4-5 bottles A DAY to feed the PLANTS that she keeps on her desk. I'll say that again...she takes 4-5 bottles A DAY for her RIDICULOUS PLANTS that she keeps on her desk. Apparently her plants are too good for the tap water or even the purifier that we have on the tap water spout. So needless to say thanks to goons like plant lady (who is also butter face lady, but once again...that's another blog) we run out of water alot.

The other day I had the pleasure of someone coming over to my desk (A do-no-worker) and say in exact quotes here:

"Give me one of those bottles of water you have"

Apparently manners were not taught in the late 16th century when she was born and raised. When I resisted her efforts to secure one of my now precious commodity, she became even more belligerent calling me "Rude" and "Mean" in the process. How is it...that I am being rude in this situation. It's about survival of the fittest here people. How is this my fault that you didn't plan ahead? I bet when the end of the world comes they'll be running around begging others for food and lasers because they didn't have it stored away. I'm ready...I'm prepared. I was a Boy Scout once...

Point of this blog....ehh none I guess. Just a funny story. She didn't get any of my water...she "threatened" to "tell on me" because we're back in grade school again (which oddly enough, is alot like an office...hmmm) but in the end...I still have my water and my body is being properly hydrated as we speak. Perhaps I'll tell the guys who normally get the water to delay an extra day, just so I can enjoy this alittle more. Anyways...Enjoy your day! We'll talk later...

The background and introduction

Ok, I haven't written columns for awhile (Not since the old Casting Couch at klexmanufacturing.com). Actually...since school ended, I haven't written much of anything so all my pent up aggression is your comedic gain! Hopefully you'll find this funny and if you work in an office...I am pretty sure you will.

After being around office settings for most of my life, I am convinced that every office has the same people. It's strange though isn't it...because you don't meet these people OUTSIDE of the office but they seem to exist wherever you are in office land. So this blog will be about the cast of characters that seem to permeate every office. We'll have the do-no-workers, we'll have the annoying laughter, the thief, the crazy plant lady, the people that seem to talk all day and tell you stories you could give a tinkus cuss about(like I am currently doing right now but you listen to me because you know I'm right). I'll tell current events stories and in the odd event that there is no wacko office story to tell, I'll dip into the BM Archives for a Retro-Revelation. Post all the comments you want! We'll talk soon....