What's a good plate with nothing on it?

So for those that don't know...I bring in Lean Cuisines to work every week. I actually like these things. Easy to cook, some are fairly tasty and they cost like 3 dollars a pop which is FAR less than you'll spend for a hot meal if you go out everyday. Now we just moved over to a new office space recently, but the fridge where I keep my Lean Cuisines has remained in a similar central office located kitchen area. It's nice...like a little production line. You enter from the left take the food out of the fridge...walk to the microwave...turn it on....grab the fork....and paper towel and then sit back at your desk with your steaming pile of pasta that resembles pasta but it doesn't always meet the expectation. It's a lot like if you went to shake Arnold Schwarzenegger's hand and believe deep down that there is an endoskelaton of a T-800 under there but knowing it's not. It's kinda like that...ok....maybe it isn't.

So...anyways...on with the blog. Lately here at the Ultimate of Software places...we have had a bit of a lunch thief. The person is cunning...attacking people who have left a litany of these microwaveable meals in the freezer. I guess their thought is well...this person has so many...and I have so few...they probably wouldn't miss it if I took one. Well Mr. or Mrs. Panhandler...I think you're wrong. I do miss my Sesame Chicken you son of a bitch.

I've been victimized by this mofo several times in the past few months and I just learned today that someone else got one of theirs stolen. Perhaps I'm buying the wrong kind now eh? Perhaps my Chicken Pecan doesn't conform to your needs come lunch time. I'll have to remember that. I had to start taking a Sharpie and mark down my name on it. Yes...we've gone ALL the way back to 3rd grade cause Mr. or Mrs. Piggy can't seem to keep their hands off someone else's food. It's kind of friggen' ridiculous isn't it? I mean come on...you know that it's not yours. You know deep down as you take the food out of the freezer...open the container...cook it...and eat it...that it's not yours. I know what's mine and I know what isn't. If for some shit chance I walk to the fridge and have NO idea that what is mine...I don't eat it. You know what I'd do? I'd go to Publix and beg the ultra fine Deli lady for a Philly Steak and Cheese sub and pray she doesn't give me any shit (cause that shit is gooooooooood.)

"Welcome to my world"

The reason I placed the title in quotations is because that is the subject of this LONG overdue update of this fantastic blog. It does take some time for me to build up steam and write about the daily wretchedness that comes with sitting in a cubicle all day but I really should have posted this earlier. Let me just say...I hate when I hear someone say "Welcome to my world". It's such an utterly bullshit statement that really means jack shit.

See...I hate the statement but when I heard this the other day...the person that was in fact saying it is probably a reason I'm writing the blog as well. That person (who shall remain nameless) is the prototypical "Woe is Me" person. The "Woe is Me" person is someone that is just SO overworked...and SO overburdened with their job (and probably life) that they just can't stand it and feel the need to share it...cause you know my job is a piece of pumpkin fucking pie. I never say "Welcome to my world" because frankly I think you sound like a fucking idiot when you say it. I mean really...what are you saying? You are saying it as if you have this little teeny tiny world all attributed to you and "The Man" has just overrun it by dropping large amounts of shit nuggets onto your head like the poor bastard who has to feed ridiculous amounts of birds in an aviary. To me...it's quite a pathetic statement where all it means is that your are defeated and are now trying to poison newcomers into understanding your plight. Special caveat to the newcomers...don't go in...it's a trap. They just want you to come in and feel bad for them because they never thought that YOU might have experienced days like this too. I mean...you couldn't POSSIBLY have EVER had as bad a day as they have. Where were they then when you could have used the shoulder to bitch on? Oh yeah...they were eating your lunch...(next blog)

There are large amounts of people in offices that are "woe is me" people. I will say...if they're like this at work....they HAVE to brandish this behavior when they get home as well and for those poor shits that have to deal with that...I can only say one thing...You married it. "Woe is me" people are just so defeated and annoying to talk to. It's like they don't realize that God shits on everyone now and then...it's part of life, so...you get shit on. Maybe you have a massive amount of work to do by 5 pm or else you're going to hear it. Maybe "The Man" is delivering an extra heaping helping of shit burgers today with a side of special sauce. I'm willing to bet dimes to donuts that more often than not, they've sat around their desk on days with nothing to do before. I'm also willing to bet more money that they bitched that day too. Alas...woe is them and it will always be them....